Unusual trial
by Angelakane
Summary: Strange conversations take place when Alistair, Zevran and Leliana visit the marketplace in Denerim, leading to a series of event Alistair would never have imagined...


They have camped just outside Denerim, and while Natia is investigating something important in another part of the town with some of the others, Alistair, Zevran and Leliana are buying supplies at the market place.

It is seldom that he and Natia are not travelling together, but she had insisted that she should do this alone. He had wondered what it might be that she must do alone, but had shrugged it off again.

They hadn't been shopping for long when Zevran eyes a pretty woman passing by.  
"What a _beauty_. I wouldn't mind going shopping with her, especially not if we were buying clothes for her." Zevran automatically turns and gives said miss a flirtatious look.

"Although I could think of a thing or two I'd rather do with her."

"Can you actually look at a woman and not think about having sex with her Zevran? Or do you actually think that every woman is just a potential partner for casual copulation?" Alistair sounds partly offended, partly amused by Zevran's actions.

"Oh but I can," Zevran smiles deviously "if a handsome young man should pass by, my eyes would most likely follow him instead of the woman. You see, men are sometimes harder to seduce, bringing me a greater satisfaction when I actually succeed. That makes sense, no?"  
Alistair notices the alarming sparkle in Zevran's eyes, inadvertently looking the other way.

"So, not only do you fancy casual copulation, but you're also into liberal lamp-post licking. Charming." Alistair's voice is thick with irony. Zevran just gives him a blending smile.

"Speaking of which, Alistair, how far have you gone with Natia?" Leliana interrupts, having finished inspecting some goods. "Gotten under her armour yet?" A wry smile appears on her lips, indicating that she somewhat knows the answer to that question.

"No! Err, I mean, not yet... I mean... What are you implying by that! We're not... you know, a couple or so... yet..." Alistair's cheeks turn slightly red and he can't seem to find the right words or where to rest his eyes.

"Don't try to fool me; I've seen the way you two look at each other when you think no one is watching you." Leliana pokes him in the chest.

"This is love, and she feels the same way about you I'm certain. What are you waiting for?" She eyes him for a moment, as if she wants to measure him, before continuing.

"Women often expect the men to take the first step, you know. They feel more feminine when they are the ones to be captured, yes? And even though she is a warrior, she is still a woman. Are you not a man?"

"Of course I am! And I would never doubt that she's a woman..." Alistair's ears are quite red at that remark and he looks like he was thinking about things he should not be thinking of. At least not at the moment.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Zevran seems eager to help. "If you are a man as you say, then conquer your woman!"

"It is not that I don't want to... I've been waiting for the right opportunity and so, and, truth be told, with Darkspawn, assassins and the like hot on our heels, I found it hard to... well... get into the right mood and all. I just want it to be right..." Alistair suddenly examines something at a booth with unnecessary intensity. Leliana and Zevran both smile wryly, looking at each other as though they got the same thought simultaneously.

"Say Alistair, Natia would be the first woman you spend the night with, no?" Leliana sounds as casual as if she'd just asked him about the weather.

"Yes, she... Wha... wait! That's unfair, you tricked me into saying that, you sneaky bastard!" Alistair's cheeks are now crimson and another item is inspected very thoroughly.

"It is nothing to be ashamed of; everyone has a first time sooner or later. Most people may experience it sooner rather than later, but that doesn't mean it is the right way to do it." She grabs his hands and what he was holding drops to the table again, making the merchant glare at the two of them.

"Personally, I think it is very romantic that you wait for the right moment to make your true love for ever yours with the ultimate act of love." Her eyes are shining with passion and eager. Alistair, taken aback by her dedication, gives her a nervous smile.

Zevran shakes his head.  
"You are too romantic Leliana. The first time is never like that, you should know. Most often, the first time is actually the worst since most people are nervous and inexperienced, and simply don't know what to do, no? Trust me, I should know."

"You underestimate the imagination of young women, Zevran. In their fantasies, the first time will often be remembered as a special memory that they will treasure forever. But since Alistair is a guy, I guess it doesn't apply to him." Leliana shrugs and turns away from them.

As she takes a look at some wares presented to her by a merchant, Zevran pulls Alistair in to one side and continues in a hushed voice.

"You know of the Pearl, no?" He pulls out one Sovereign from his pocket and gives it to Alistair. "Go spend some time with one of the women there, just to get a little experience before your big night. To take the edge off your nervousness, yes?"

Alistair straightens up in surprise and takes a step backwards.  
"You want me to visit the P... Pearl! A whore house? You can't be serious Zevran; I would never visit such a place. The least of all on my first time, you should know!"

"What is wrong with that? The women there have a lot of experience and know how to handle first-timers like you, no? I think it is an excellent idea. Unless you'd rather try your luck with Leliana?"  
Zevran smirks as Alistair's face turns pale.

"I..."

"What are you two talking about now?" Leliana takes a suspicious look at the two men as they turn to look at her.

"You are done shopping then, I presume?" Zevran nonchalantly steps over to her and takes one of her baskets while Alistair stands frozen on one spot and looks like he doesn't know what to make of himself.

"Then I think we should be heading home, yes?"

She takes another look at the two, then shrugs.

"That's fine with me. Here, Alistair. You can take this one."

"Oh no," Zevran interrupts,

"he's not coming with us now. He still has some _unfinished business_ to attend to, so we better return to camp with the supplies on our own, yes?"

"I... I... well..."  
Alistair seems unable to formulate a protest and just looks a little lost, as if he has no means to avoid what Zevran has planned for him.

Leliana gives both of them a puzzled look, like she knows something is not quite right, but as she can't seem to figure out what's going on, leaves them be.  
"We'll see you in camp then," She says.

Zevran, looking quite pleased with himself, starts telling Leliana of one of his glorious adventures, loudly boasting about his deeds, like he wants her to focus on him instead of Alistair, still looking like a lost child.

He finally decides that he might just as well stroll around town for a bit, to put his mind at rest.  
_What is he thinking, sending me off to a brothel? And in bright day light none the less, as if the thought alone about me visiting a brothel wasn't bad enough. All though it seems like something he would come up with as a solution, considering his upbringing and his rather frivolous life philosophy in general._

_Like I would ever actually go there. Could you imagine me going to a whore house, asking for a woman to sle... sleep with me? Certainly not! I would never..._

He interrupts his own thoughts as he suddenly realizes he has been wandering around the Pearl for a while now.

… _Well... I _could _perhaps take a quick look, now that I'm here anyway, couldn't I? Just a peek..._

After convincing himself that it is perfectly normal to just walk in to get a pint of beer, he enters the Pearl, trying desperately to hide just how much out-of-place he is, without any luck.

He hurriedly finds an empty table and takes his seat, waiting for a waitress to come by. While he scans the area for anyone he might know to be able to avoid or eventually escape from them, someone steps up beside his table.

"Anything I can help you with?" a gentle voice says.

"Year, I'd like some be.. be... beah gah..." is all he can say when he turns to face the waitress standing next to his table. Not only is she beautiful beyond comparison, but her attire also lets him no doubt about how well shaped her body is.

"A what? Sorry, I'm afraid I did not understand what you wanted." The waitress has a troubled look on her face and bows a little closer to Alistair to better be able to hear him. As a side effect, her cleavage is now almost right in eye-level, and while he feebly tries to focus elsewhere he also attempts to answer her question, rambling a load of nonsense.

"Err, I was wondering if, eh... you had any, you know, beer? But of course, that's not what men normally order here. I mean what people order here. You must have other customers than men, although that might not happen often. Or perhaps it does, I wouldn't know, since I don't come here often either, strange coincidence, right? But I guess you want to know my order since that's what you asked me for, if I remember, so I should probably stop talking now. Yes. I'll do that. Oh wait, then I haven't answered your question. Or did I? Err..."

Alistair, his ears and cheeks crimson yet again, tries to look in every other direction than hers while cursing vigorously at himself in his mind.

The waitress smiles understandingly and leaves his table, returning shortly after with a pint of beer.  
"Just take your time."

She leaves him, smiling, while he takes a big gulp of his beer, trying to hide his bashfulness.

_Let's just pretend I'm actually doing this... If I pretend, this is all just another in a long row of trials, it doesn't seem as bad. I've been through worse. Being in the Chantry, becoming a Warden, fighting the High Dragon, travelling with Morrigan and Zevran... in the light of all that, this should be a piece of cake._

A man enters and the waitress from before welcomes him. She notices Alistair looking at her and smiles. He chokes as he had just swallowed almost half of his pint, spilling a sizeable amount on the table too as he does so.

_Screw that, fighting the High Dragon is a piece of cake compared to this! I'd better just finish my beer and leave before worse happens._

As he's about to stand, the waitress returns with another woman, that appears to be the owner.  
"My dear Sarah here tells me you seem new to all this and figured you'd need a little extra 'guidance'. And since the well-being of my customers is important to me, I guess we could arrange something special for... someone like you."

She smiles, and since Alistair just looks at the two women without answering, she continues.  
"She has volunteered to be your girl this evening to spare you from choosing from a bunch of women. If this is all right with you, I have a room ready for you two. Payment beforehand though, I've had some bad experience with people suddenly having lost all their money..."

"Su...sure..." Alistair gives her the money before realizing what he's just agreed to do. Sarah pulls him by his arm and leads him into said room.

Not until she starts unbuckling his armour does he really realize what he's about to do.

"Whoa, slow down. I... I wasn't here to... It's a misunderstanding, you see..." He takes a few steps back, his ears red and with sweat appearing on his forehead.

"Relax, I know what I do. We have a lot of first timers here and I'm confident I'll be able to please you." She smiles sensually, taking up unbuckling his armour again.

"I don't doubt you're good a... at... what your doing, but... but..." His voice is getting a little high-pitched, as he tries to get a little distance between him and his seducer, finding out too late that she has cornered him.

"No buts, my dear warrior." Alistair desperately clings to what little clothes he is still wearing as she gently, but firmly, pushes him down on the bed. He seems in shock, unable to really fight back, trying to find somewhere else to look as she undresses.

"You are quite cute, being bashful and all." She smiles at him. Both are now almost naked. She's on top of him on the bed, leaning over him to gently whisper in his ear.

"Just leave everything to me..."

* * *

As the sun is about to set, Zevran notices Alistair on the road a little away from the camp. Smirking, he approaches him to hear what happened at the Pearl.

"And so the great warrior returns, I see. So, how was it? Did you like it?" Zevran looks at him eager to learn how well his idea worked.

Alistair sighs.

"I went to the Pearl like you wanted me to and somehow I ended up with this really beautiful woman in a room. She didn't take long to undress us both..."

"Oh, she sounds like one fierce woman. I think I might just visit the Pearl myself." Zevran smirks.

"Well, though luck. She'll probably take a few days off work after what happened." Alistair blushes and looks the other way.

"Oi oi, it wouldn't happen you turn out to be a bull in bed, no? I knew it was the right thing to send you there. Now, you are a true man!"

He patches Alistair on his shoulder in a friendly man-to-man manner with a big grin on his face. Alistair turns away, now crimson.

"Only if you talk about the rampaging ones... I... I ended up knocking the girl down in desperation. She had cornered me and I didn't know what else to do! She fell unconscious and I quickly buckled my armour and left. I sure hope she's all right, but I'm quite sure she got a black eye and quite a headache at least..."

Zevran stares at Alistair's face, like he doesn't believe what he just told him.

"You... You _knocked down_ a beautiful woman trying to have sex with you?"

Alistair, still not looking at Zevran, nods reluctantly.

Suddenly, Zevran starts laughing, loud and heartily, like he's just heard the world's best joke.

"Why are you laughing? This is no laughing matter, you know? And it's all your fault..."

"You... You are unbelievable, you know that?" Zevran dries of a tear and takes a deep breath.  
"Only someone who really loves a woman would turn down the offer you got. I respect that, even though I think you must be a little crazy. A really good guy, but still crazy."

He hits Alistair on the shoulder. Not hard, more like a 'let's get over this' kind-of-way.

"Let's go back to camp, before the others start to get suspicious."

Alistair sighs and returns to camp with Zevran where they meet Natia.

"Oh," she says, "You have returned?" She smiles at him.

"Looks like you've had a rough day?"

"You wouldn't believe how rough..." He smiles back at her and seems to relax a bit.

Zevran leaves the two of them be, returning to his own tent while muttering.  
"Crazy, I tell you..."


End file.
